Since I have been on medication to treat my depression, I have had several vivid and interesting dreams.
Here is one I found to be odd,
We were a family. A family living in a dwelling that people knew about and wondered about but no one ever saw the insides of our walls. Unless you were chosen.
I just happen to be along with my friend Melody whom Charley showed interest in and became theirs out of pure bad luck. I had no interest in any of the boys living in this house. I spent most of my time tending to the garden and doing the laundry. This house felt so dirty. We did get paid and when we got paid we got to go into the village to buy things with our pay. However, since I was so new, they didn't want me to go out, out of fear I might try to escape. No, first they had to get me used to their ways and want their ways rather than the life I had before. Which was not so bad. I kept going over and over in my mind. Is anyone looking for me? Does anyone care? I had no lovern but I had parents with who I spoke very rarely to. I would just be forgotten.
The house was tremendous and the people all different. We all ate together we dressed the same and we did similar activities. This was definitely a cult. I was so bored. I became close to John who I had first met in the garden when I arrived here. He would be the one to go out for me and get me the necessities I longed for. I missed candy and I missed deodorant. I didn't make much but it was enough for those items. John said to me, "one day, one day you will get to go out and we will have a blast."
It seemed like months and I had stopped talking to Melody, my friend, who had been Charles newest love slave. She seemed drugged every time I saw her and she barely spoke to me. It was hurtful and quite weird. I miss my old Melody. I learned every corner of the house. If I needed space I would move to another part of this huge house and find my me time. I did have a room, however, it was a shared room. I shared with two other girls. One who was a lesbian and the other a mute as far as I was concerned.
It was from my understanding she, the mute, had lived here just as long as this place was built. Her mother was one of the cult keepers you could say.
It was dark and I was tending to the garden. A bunch of fire flies came out and started to dance all over the walls of the green house. Then as I walked closer to the walls I noticed people who were staring back at me. I never noticed this before because during the day, the green house was like a mirror. I couldn't ever look out until now. All of a sudden I was embarrassed. Embarrassed because I thought they were looking at me like I wanted to belong here. I couldn't get close enough to the windows because of the barbed wire so, I just stared back at the people spectating. I looked sad and put my head down and walked back into the house. I knew that if I screamed they wouldn't hear me and if I tried to make signs someone would see. I wanted them to think I liked it here so that when the time was right, I would go.
As time went on I found that I grew a little attached to John and all of the people in the house.
It was I guess two years now that I had lived there and one night the head of the house came to me and said, "tonight is yours, you will get to go out and buy stuff to come back with." But what would I buy? What would I do? I am just not sure if I am ready. I said this to him and immediately he smiled and said. "You are my favorite." With that, a line started to form at the door. I got in. My heart was pounding and just seconds later John grabbed my hand and said, "ready?" I felt so much better that he was there.
The door opened and we all stared to single file walk out into the black halls that I had originally seen before I came here. Then the night air hit my face. We were out side. "Ok everyone, 2 hours, not a second later" the man said. John and I sort of started to run. We ran into a candy store and he showed me where he was buying all my goodies. I smiled at him like I was a child. Then I looked around and thought, I don't want to be here, I want to be outside. John told me to go for it and just not go to far and that he would meet me right out side in an hour that way he could show me the rest of the images I was missing from the night.
With that, I ran out of that candy store and my feet touched free pavement. I was free. I saw no one I had known from the house. I looked poor and I looked like I belonged to that cult as everyone peered at me dashing through the market place. I looked everywhere for familiar faces so that I could prepare myself for what I had to say. Why was I running and where to?
Every light seemed blurrier than the next. It was like I was seeing for the first time. I teared a bit at the thought of freedom that I would soon taste. With the wind hitting my face I looked into the dark streets and saw tall buses lining up and driving by. Its a bus stop I thought to myself what luck I had that I saw a bus stop and what better luck I had money on me. I ran up to the first bus that seemed to be stopping but really wasn't. I started to bang on the bus window.."please stop, please!" I yelled out to the driver. With that he smiled and opened up the bus door. "Can I give you a ride? It will be 3 dollars where we are going" he exclaimed. "Where ever we are going is fine as long as its away from here" I said with breathless words. So, I boarded the bus and paid the man and walked back to take my seat. With 20 dollars in my hand still I sat there wondering how the hell I would do next. My place hadn't been paid in 2 years, as far as everyone else was concerned I was dead. I would start all over again and I would find a way to get as far away as possible. With my heart beating fast I sat there trying to calm my nerves. It was finally over. I was free and it was so easy. Could it have been so easy? Why was it so easy? I just walked out and caught a bus ride out of there. I started to question how many others tried that and got away with it?
Maybe as they escaped they started to see that they couldn't live outside of the cult dwelling. All I knew that I was free and loving it no matter how poor or alone I was. I closed my eyes for what seemed to be a minute. It was in fact 2 hours. We were now in a small area out side of London where there were piers and great big boats lining up for something. Then all of a sudden I heard a voice cry out. "Hey, Hey You!" I looked around with my head sunk into my chest. My heart was pounding. Someone knows me. "I thought that was you. It was John. I saw you catch a bus so I caught the one behind you." "Why John, why?" He looked at me with a disappointed face. "You aren't happy to see me" John replied. "No, its not that, its just that I wasn't looking to go back, and something tells me that are here to bring me back." I said with fear in my voice. "Hell, why would I do that?" I was dumb founded. "Then why did you follow me?" "Anyone who escapes from a place like that needs help on the out side. And i am here to make sure you survive." "Well John, I started to cry, I am just so very happy to see you." I held him like I held my father before he died. We probably stood there hugging for about one hour. "Ok, first thing is first. We have to find ourselves a job. We might have to sleep at a hotel for a while but we will be fine. How much money do you have?" "Well, twenty." I said with sadness behind my voice. "Well I have more than enough to get us by for a week." John said with worry in his voice. "John, thank you for following me." He looked back and smiled and the last words he said to me were, "wake up."
Then I woke up, and realized I hadn't left the house at all. I had dreamed that I escaped that dreadful place and now I was even more upset than I was before. I laid there crying and holding myself like a baby. With my face in the pillow I tried to stop myself from these feelings I was having. I told myself in my mind that I had to come to grips with my faith. I was stuck here. The room felt small and every word hurt me from outside my door. I hated the people there. What right did they have to keep me here! I ran out into the living area. I saw John sitting there with Melody and Charles. "Listen guys, why am I here and why are we kept here captive?" Charles, explained, "they want to take care of us. You were chosen because of your life style and how happy or unhappy you were." But, But, I was happy in my life. I had a life and they, YOU, took that away from me. Now, I am stuck here with no one to meet and make love to and no future." I said with anger behind my eyes. Right then one of the adults came into the room. "What is being said?" We all looked like we were in shock and confused at what I had just said. "Is there something someone needs to tell me?"
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