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Saturday, November 6, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
when I knew
I have said I love you before. However, it never meant before. The meaning was different and the love inevitabley faded. When I say I love you to my husband now, I want to say it forever. I want him to be the last person I say it to. I know that I love him because when he's gone the pieces of my heart are missing. Life just doesn't have the same appeal as it has when he's gone. I fall to my husband every single day and can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together.
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Thursday, September 30, 2010
Is couture dead?
Designers like Burberry are turning to web technology by live streaming their garments/products on their site and making them available for purchase. Other designers are joining in for the direct consumer appeal which is all the rave in this current market. But what will this mean for the brands? If it can be available to all will the brand lose exclusivity?
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Monday, September 27, 2010
met David Rasche @ the Garlic Festival
This was my second trip out to the Hudson Valley Garlic Festival in Saugerties, NY and to my surprise my husband and I ran into David Rasche who stared in films like; Duplicity with John Candy, etc http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0711058/. What an awesome soul he had. He looked like an ordinary man with this weathered look as if he were a sculptor or had been gardening all day. Weird way to describe someone but my point was to say he was pleasant. I have never spoken to an actor before and I still think its neat to see them in public; circulating through the rest of us. To me, the experience is so alien.
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Thursday, September 23, 2010
The Launch of eBay LookBook
eBay is putting the power of suggestion into the consumers hands. Recently, eBay launched LookBook which allows the consumer to take a photo of themselves in their favorite garments; accessories included, and upload your look to eBay's Fashion LookBook. Here you can tag three of the pieces you are wearing explaining who designed the piece and the style as well. eBay will take your look and show the public where they can buy the similar style; through eBay Fashion.
On top of it all, you can enter to win some very cool prizes if your look is chosen by a panel of judges. All you need to enter is an account with eBay and a photo of your style captured.
Good luck!
On top of it all, you can enter to win some very cool prizes if your look is chosen by a panel of judges. All you need to enter is an account with eBay and a photo of your style captured.
Good luck!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
MORE magazine internship
Sadly, I was turned down today for an internship with MORE magazine working in their style closet and up close with the editorial team. It would have been nice to gain that experience even if it was working for free. The interviewer liked me and said she would need me at least 2 full time days a week. =( Unfortunately, NY is $$$ and I can't afford to not work. Maybe in the future if things change and I have more free time? They seemed to like me and I felt that it would have been the perfect learning experience for me or as one my Fashion Merchandising professors said the perfect FIT.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Read something in Allure Magazine
Celebrity Workout instructor, Tracey Anderson, personal trainer to beautiful and sophisticated Gwyneth Paltrow and totally fit Madonna, came out with a book called 30-Day Method. Apparently, she is the next best thing to Jillian Michael's but with more style. Tracey states that "there is not a woman I cannot change;" physically of course. She has spent five years perfecting her method with a total of 150 women who looked amazing after her intense routine.
Going to check this one out for sure..
Going to check this one out for sure..
Monday, September 13, 2010
what is the scariest place you have ever dreamed?
It was late, and we had just moved into this older modeled home. My Dad loved to use his hands to rebuild things. This would be his biggest project yet. When we first moved in my Mom was worried that the condition of the home would be hard for me to settle into. She knew I wasn't sleeping to well lately. I would dream the most frightening dreams. Some I wouldn't even tell my friends because they would make me feel bad and pick on me for being such a baby. I was not a baby though; I just turned 7 and was on the mini league baseball team with the strongest strike record out of the whole class. It wasn't that I was weak or scared in the day time when I was living life but in the night, when the house would shift and images started to become darker as my eyes grew bigger. My Mom yelled up the stairs "I'll be right up sweetie, I am going to grab the laundry out of the dryer and then I will tuck you in". "Ok Ma, I replied." I knew she had to work early the next day and thought to myself; she won't stay long tonight. As I placed myself between my sheets I felt the newness of the sheets and the chill that seemed to cool me down all over. I chattered my teeth and curled my toes. Gripping the top of my blankets together I held them over my mouth just under my nose. The warmth from my breath just felt so comforting. I could also smell home with in my sheets and that is always a nice smell. "Here I am honey; are you cold?" "Yes, I shrilled." With that my mother flew to the thermostat and tinkered around with it so, I heard. "Oh gosh, Rick, the heater is not working didn't you say this was on the top of your list?" And with that, my Dad flew up the stairs as if there were a fire brewing. "Oh shoot! I am so sorry I thought that I fixed that. I'm sorry Christopher, we will get you some blankets and make sure you have some kind of warmth tonight and I will fix this disaster first thing in the morning son." "Its ok Dad, its not that cold." My father was probably the most understanding and tolerable men I have ever met. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for me or my Mother. "Your Dad means it you know, this will be fixed" my Mom said with a little doubt behind her voice. "So, are you ready for beddie pie?" "Ma,. please don't say that to me, I want to be treated like a young man and not a little boy" even though I did love her sweet talk I didn't want her to go overboard one day on accident in front of my friends; I would surely be finished. "I know honey, thank you for reminding me that you are growing into the most precious young man and Mommy loves you!" Grrr...in my mind. "What shall I read tonight? A mystery book, a scary book, or something lighter? "Well, I know you have to wake early but I was hoping you could sit with me tonight a little longer until I fall a sleep?" with fear behind my voice I knew she couldn't resist my pleas. "Oh honey bear,..oops, stop me when you hear those sweet words, my grown son." she stated so ridiculously. "I would love to. So, what shall we read?" "Actually, I was hoping you would tell me what is the scariest place you have ever dreamed?" to be continued....
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
The Inner Walls- before Dream me a Little Dream
It was a girls night out that would end in an unusual, frightful way. The last I remember was running up these parking lot stairs with my friend Melody and a boy named Charles. We were wasted and having what seemed to be a great time. Melody seemed really interested in Charles and I knew that either we were on our way to his flat for them to have a night of meaningless sex or we were on our way to another party where I am sure they would find a room to fuck in. The stairs were dirty and there seemed to be spider webs the further we crawled up. The smell even became mustier. I pulled on Melody’s jacket and asked her were we are going and if she knew. Charles heard the concern in my voice and he said “I am bringing you back to my home. Sorry for the scary passage way but this is for when I come in late. My roommates just hate it when I bring people back in the late of night. Don’t worry you will be more than fine.” I trusted in him and yet didn’t. Like I said, as we scaled the walls of the parking garaged stair case It became even more Dungeness than before. Finally, we reached this elevator and we got in. This was probably one of the strangest ways to enter a pad that I have even encountered. We went up only a few flights and ding, we were entering through a tunnel like chamber with black walls. We turned right and left I think and then we were in his room. Now, this is what I thought was weird. We never even passed any other doors or walked through any area rooms, living rooms, or indoor spaces where people would have been either present or near.
His room had red walls and the light he had enhanced this color; a black bed with black and red sheets and comforter to match. He was a slob shortly put. There were clothes everywhere; on the floor on what seemed to be a chair and a dresser. I sat on the edge of his bed and they laid right in the middle kissing and fondling one another. I knew they were about to have sex and had no desire or interest in watching. So, I politely asked if he had a living area I could quietly read my book or watch the TV. As they were making a disgusting licking kiss sound, he replied “yes, just don’t wake the rest of the world. “ With that, I asked him how the heck I got to such a place. He ignored me at this point having more interest in Melody. So, I took it upon myself to walk around and hunt for a place to wait. I was sure she would wonder where I was and come find me. Melody and I were best friends as far back as middle school and we were now grown adults with homes of our own so, I truly believed she would not leave me here without looking for me.
I scaled the dark halls and could barely see which made this very scary for me. There stared to be some sort of light ahead which then highlighted these walls. They were covered in spider webs and small spiders. I hated spiders so immediately I yelped out. Remembering to be quiet in my startled surprise I put my hand over my mouth. All I wanted to do is find my way out of this horror. With another turn I entered the lit area. There seemed to be a door that looked like a front door to a house. This was the strangest thing because I thought I was already inside. I slightly turned the door knob and it was locked. Great! Damit! At this point I was worrying about walking back through that dark spider infested hallway. So, I knocked. Fuck this, these people wouldn’t mind. I mean I was in need of water at this point and a nice place to wait while my friend had her one night stand. A woman tall peered through one of the glass panels inside the door. She smiled and opened the door. “Well, hi there” she said. “I am so sorry that I disturbed you but my friend is visiting Charles and I didn’t want to wait for them in his room if you know what I mean so, I found myself here. “ “Not a problem at all dear. Come right in and make yourself at home.” She seemed to be nice and I trusted in her voice and polite demeanor. We walked through a living area with many couches and a TV with a few coffee tables. The floor had huge white tiles which seemed to be extremely clean. The living area to my left was up a little higher than the walk way that led to a kitchen on my left in just a few steps. “Help yourself to something to drink and have a seat“ she said ever so sweetly. When I walked into this kitchen, there were tones of tables and a huge fridge with a lot of counter space. The rest of the kitchen had its normal things such as a stove, microwave, and toaster. I just found it odd that there were so many tables and what looked like so many foods lying around. I mean, how many people lived here? I opened the fridge and found a water pitcher. Now, were the glasses were I had no clue. The woman came into the kitchen and walked straight to the cupboard where the glasses were. “I’m so sorry again, I just needed to get out of that room.” Not to worry dear, seriously, relax. I am more than happy to help you out in your time of need.” She was super nice and with that we found ourselves sitting in the living area. “Would you like to see the rest of the house?” she asked with query. “Sure why not.” She walked over to the door and locked it with a key. “Wait, my friend might not be able to get in here to find me so that we can leave.” “No worries dear, Charles has a key and he will bring her through this area anyways. He is very polite and will make sure she has a ride home and a drink,” she said this with such trusting words but I felt that it was unusual that she would have a door with a key entrance and a key exiting the pad. She put the key into the pocket of her apron. As I stared to look down at what she was wearing she looked like she had been gardening. “I’m sorry but did I disturb you from something when I came in?” No, no, I was just digging up some weeds in our garden out front. Would you like to see?” Sure, why not,” I said with curiosity. I mean, we just walked through a front door and now we were going out front to see a garden; whatever. As we walked through the house we came to an open area where the garden was. It was covered by thin glass like a green house and there was barbed wire all around the garden lined up against the glass. “Why is there ratty barbed wire all around the glass? Wouldn’t it be prettier if it was not there and you could look out at the beautiful scenery ahead?” I exclaimed. “Then all the people here would get loose, and we don’t want that” she said oddly. “Wait, what?” I questioned with confusion behind my words. “You heard me correctly, I don’t mean to bring it to you like this but you are home my dear.” She said with honesty. My heart started to pound in my chest.” I need to go back to my friend. Can you please show me the way to her?” She will be here soon my dear not to worry, this is her home as well,” she said. “Wait a minute, we have our own homes. I don’t mean to be rude but show me to my friend now!” I said with fear behind my voice. “Sorry honey, you are locked in here and won’t be leaving ever again. Well, maybe every once in a while but not anytime soon.” I started to panic. I walked right through the garden and up to the barbed wire and to what seemed to be a door. I pushed on it and cut my dress while doing so. She shouted out to me. “You can try but many have before you, and no such luck.” You should just come over here and help me,” she said with confidence in her voice. “Again, I don’t mean to be rude but get me the fuck out of here now!” Sorry, but that is just not going to happen” she wasn’t joking and I could immediately tell. Then a man walked out into the garden and said, “Well hi there.” He was a black man tall and had sort of an afro. He seemed really cool and nice as well. I started to make my way back towards these two people but noticed that I had lost my footing and was not ankle deep in muck and mud. “Ugh, what the fuck is this?” If you just step back a few steps you will be on tougher ground,” the man said. As I started to turn and make my way back, I lot one of my shoes in the mud. “Crap!” I turned back to get it and it seemed to disappear into the muck. Now with my shoe missing and my hands all dirty with filth I listened to his instruction and walked back towards them. There were even more spiders than I thought. I was like what the hell is up with these spiders. Are they following me? “Please let me go, and let me find my friend. I am sorry you cannot keep me here” I said with a nice tone to my voice. “I’m very sorry to tell you this, really I am but you will be here and you really need to get yourself adjusted. You are in fact being kidnapped if you want me to put it that way.” Are you fucking serious.” “Hey, it is not that bad here dear. You will see. This is the better place to live than out there in that dangerous filthy society,” she said with an informative voice. I started to cry. The male named John gave me one of the most endearing hugs someone could give a total stranger.
His room had red walls and the light he had enhanced this color; a black bed with black and red sheets and comforter to match. He was a slob shortly put. There were clothes everywhere; on the floor on what seemed to be a chair and a dresser. I sat on the edge of his bed and they laid right in the middle kissing and fondling one another. I knew they were about to have sex and had no desire or interest in watching. So, I politely asked if he had a living area I could quietly read my book or watch the TV. As they were making a disgusting licking kiss sound, he replied “yes, just don’t wake the rest of the world. “ With that, I asked him how the heck I got to such a place. He ignored me at this point having more interest in Melody. So, I took it upon myself to walk around and hunt for a place to wait. I was sure she would wonder where I was and come find me. Melody and I were best friends as far back as middle school and we were now grown adults with homes of our own so, I truly believed she would not leave me here without looking for me.
I scaled the dark halls and could barely see which made this very scary for me. There stared to be some sort of light ahead which then highlighted these walls. They were covered in spider webs and small spiders. I hated spiders so immediately I yelped out. Remembering to be quiet in my startled surprise I put my hand over my mouth. All I wanted to do is find my way out of this horror. With another turn I entered the lit area. There seemed to be a door that looked like a front door to a house. This was the strangest thing because I thought I was already inside. I slightly turned the door knob and it was locked. Great! Damit! At this point I was worrying about walking back through that dark spider infested hallway. So, I knocked. Fuck this, these people wouldn’t mind. I mean I was in need of water at this point and a nice place to wait while my friend had her one night stand. A woman tall peered through one of the glass panels inside the door. She smiled and opened the door. “Well, hi there” she said. “I am so sorry that I disturbed you but my friend is visiting Charles and I didn’t want to wait for them in his room if you know what I mean so, I found myself here. “ “Not a problem at all dear. Come right in and make yourself at home.” She seemed to be nice and I trusted in her voice and polite demeanor. We walked through a living area with many couches and a TV with a few coffee tables. The floor had huge white tiles which seemed to be extremely clean. The living area to my left was up a little higher than the walk way that led to a kitchen on my left in just a few steps. “Help yourself to something to drink and have a seat“ she said ever so sweetly. When I walked into this kitchen, there were tones of tables and a huge fridge with a lot of counter space. The rest of the kitchen had its normal things such as a stove, microwave, and toaster. I just found it odd that there were so many tables and what looked like so many foods lying around. I mean, how many people lived here? I opened the fridge and found a water pitcher. Now, were the glasses were I had no clue. The woman came into the kitchen and walked straight to the cupboard where the glasses were. “I’m so sorry again, I just needed to get out of that room.” Not to worry dear, seriously, relax. I am more than happy to help you out in your time of need.” She was super nice and with that we found ourselves sitting in the living area. “Would you like to see the rest of the house?” she asked with query. “Sure why not.” She walked over to the door and locked it with a key. “Wait, my friend might not be able to get in here to find me so that we can leave.” “No worries dear, Charles has a key and he will bring her through this area anyways. He is very polite and will make sure she has a ride home and a drink,” she said this with such trusting words but I felt that it was unusual that she would have a door with a key entrance and a key exiting the pad. She put the key into the pocket of her apron. As I stared to look down at what she was wearing she looked like she had been gardening. “I’m sorry but did I disturb you from something when I came in?” No, no, I was just digging up some weeds in our garden out front. Would you like to see?” Sure, why not,” I said with curiosity. I mean, we just walked through a front door and now we were going out front to see a garden; whatever. As we walked through the house we came to an open area where the garden was. It was covered by thin glass like a green house and there was barbed wire all around the garden lined up against the glass. “Why is there ratty barbed wire all around the glass? Wouldn’t it be prettier if it was not there and you could look out at the beautiful scenery ahead?” I exclaimed. “Then all the people here would get loose, and we don’t want that” she said oddly. “Wait, what?” I questioned with confusion behind my words. “You heard me correctly, I don’t mean to bring it to you like this but you are home my dear.” She said with honesty. My heart started to pound in my chest.” I need to go back to my friend. Can you please show me the way to her?” She will be here soon my dear not to worry, this is her home as well,” she said. “Wait a minute, we have our own homes. I don’t mean to be rude but show me to my friend now!” I said with fear behind my voice. “Sorry honey, you are locked in here and won’t be leaving ever again. Well, maybe every once in a while but not anytime soon.” I started to panic. I walked right through the garden and up to the barbed wire and to what seemed to be a door. I pushed on it and cut my dress while doing so. She shouted out to me. “You can try but many have before you, and no such luck.” You should just come over here and help me,” she said with confidence in her voice. “Again, I don’t mean to be rude but get me the fuck out of here now!” Sorry, but that is just not going to happen” she wasn’t joking and I could immediately tell. Then a man walked out into the garden and said, “Well hi there.” He was a black man tall and had sort of an afro. He seemed really cool and nice as well. I started to make my way back towards these two people but noticed that I had lost my footing and was not ankle deep in muck and mud. “Ugh, what the fuck is this?” If you just step back a few steps you will be on tougher ground,” the man said. As I started to turn and make my way back, I lot one of my shoes in the mud. “Crap!” I turned back to get it and it seemed to disappear into the muck. Now with my shoe missing and my hands all dirty with filth I listened to his instruction and walked back towards them. There were even more spiders than I thought. I was like what the hell is up with these spiders. Are they following me? “Please let me go, and let me find my friend. I am sorry you cannot keep me here” I said with a nice tone to my voice. “I’m very sorry to tell you this, really I am but you will be here and you really need to get yourself adjusted. You are in fact being kidnapped if you want me to put it that way.” Are you fucking serious.” “Hey, it is not that bad here dear. You will see. This is the better place to live than out there in that dangerous filthy society,” she said with an informative voice. I started to cry. The male named John gave me one of the most endearing hugs someone could give a total stranger.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Blog me this
Does anyone believe that the bedbug epidemic was put on by the retailers to push the media into purchasing "hard/soft goods" at department stores???
Food for thought.
There is a real epidemic however, could this be a plotted epidemic? eh..
Food for thought.
There is a real epidemic however, could this be a plotted epidemic? eh..
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Married in BCBGMAXAZRIA
Every single cocktail dress of BCBGMAXAZRIA collection...has fit me like a glove and I have received multiple compliments on the dresses as well.
For my wedding day, I took a risk, and decided to decorate myself in one of his short and gorgeously fashioned cocktail dresses. Take a look and do try on.
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3034110/0~2376776~2374327~2374331~6014146?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6014146&P=2
by Creative one
For my wedding day, I took a risk, and decided to decorate myself in one of his short and gorgeously fashioned cocktail dresses. Take a look and do try on.
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3034110/0~2376776~2374327~2374331~6014146?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6014146&P=2
by Creative one
FITfmm: Little Big Planet by PS3..for couples?
FITfmm: Little Big Planet by PS3..for couples?: "What a fun and imaginative game for couples to play together. Instead of playing a good 'old' game of Monopoly, you can sit back and relax a..."
Little Big Planet by PS3..for couples?
What a fun and imaginative game for couples to play together. Instead of playing a good "old" game of Monopoly, you can sit back and relax and enjoy the corky music and interesting worlds that await you in Little Big Planet. I married a man who is in love with games. Can't get him away. This one game in particular however, Little Big Planet by PS3 is extremely cute and fun. It makes you want to join in on the fun and create your own little world. It's the newest digital board gaming. Girl's, your boyfriends or husbands will love the fact that you care enough to try out a new video game for him. It for sure will bring you closer together.
by Creative one
by it here @
http://www.gamestop.com/
by Creative one
by it here @
http://www.gamestop.com/
The Desk
Here at main Reception we like to think of ourselves as the eyes and ears of the company. We are people watchers, we are gossipers, as well as a shoulder to cry on. I can sit here and tell you that this is the simplest job in the world or that its a great job to have if you don't like taking your work home with you but this is not true.
When I first became a Receptionist I was working for a top company, who offered fabulous benefits and a decent salary. However, there were people that worked for this firm that were not kind and some even sneaky as hell. As time goes on and as I work in this place longer I feel like I am going insane. I see a psychiatrist and a talk therapist in order to exist in reality; in order to keep working here.
Only seldom do I get really really sleepy here. I get tired but not tired enough to go into a room they have designated as the "bed time room". I see it as a weakness when people go to sleep during the day at work. People think that they have been out all night or not sleeping at all so, something must be wrong with that person. Today, I am tired. I can't even open my eyes for a second. I am desperate so, I mildly ask my co-worker with my tail under my legs, "may I use the bed time room?". Of course she says with a nice charming grimace.
There is a lot going on in my life and a lot that went on in my life in the past. So much that its hard to tell you where I should begin. Meanwhile I'll just take a short nap, which if you ask me is asking for more trouble. Cause I know I will feel worse later. "RING"!! The alarm clock sounds. I am sitting in a chair that is on its last leg that reclines. Its comfortable because its all worn in but if you move to quick, poom. You are shot out of the chair like an air missile. I was jolted out of my sleep. Was I dreaming but what about? Hmmm, I will have to think about this because my dreams have been so different so vivid, strange and unexplainable at the same time. Oh well, it will come to me later.
I creep with dread out into the hall and down the stairs. Taking my time making sure I am comfortable walking again. This nap was a dozy. I slept for sure, but now I feel lethargic and left confused. Oh well. Cat naps never worked for me. As I grasp onto the stair case rail with my hand pressed firmly I easily walk down to the level where I work. "What time is it?" I asked my co-worker. "Fifteen minutes until five." Holy Shi@! I thought. Did I really sleep for forty five minutes? That is not good. As I came around the desk I apologized over and over again repeatedly trying to think of quick ways to make it up to her. "Oh girl, its no problem at all. You know we are cool like that. If I needed to walk away from the desk or do something private I would do it. And you wouldn't think twice." she said with a smile. "Yes, this is true." I just felt so bad. I always felt bad for things. I felt bad for talking to much, I felt bad for walking into a room when two people are talking and interrupting when it clearly wasn't my fault. I felt bad for being quiet, I felt bad for sneezing. Lets put it this way. I was sorry for everything that I did. What a terrible way to live your life. In fear.
As the years passed by and days seemed longer, I began to get tired of my job. I found it hard to even put on a smile. I was probably one of the best fake smiler's there was and I couldn't even do that. I hated my job like people hate snakes. I couldn't stand to look at it, smell it, or even be anywhere near it. Once that feeling sets in, you are sh@! out of luck. You hate your job and need to either move on; or grin and bare it. I was sorry for hating it so much. As I ended my day in its usual manner. I noticed that the lights began to dim but just a little. Little enough for me to notice it. It was quiet and the phones finally stopped ringing so, time of closing the place up was not far around the corner. Oh god five more minutes. Please don't ring, please don't ring. I would repeat to myself over and over again. Almost every time I would get a call just right before the phones shut off for the night and it would be a bad call. For example, "did someone call me from this number?" "No, no one called you sir or ma'am" and I would hang up. Or the best one's were, "can I get a conference room, not sure of how many attendees or how long but was thinking...well,...pause. Maybe I will take the conference room in the corner with the windows." My reply would be, "ok, sure, what time would you be needing this room."... I think the worst part for me was having to drag each and every sentence out of the person. They simply didn't get it. You called me. You wanted something from me. And when you get on the phone you have no clue of what you want. Do you want me to make this meeting up for you? I mean truly you shouldn't even be having this meeting if you have no clue when its going to start. "Um, how about noon to one. yes, that is fine." the person would say smugly. "ok, all set." I would say with charm. I hated them. These people couldn't have a conversation with a real person even if they tried. Some of their Assistants were even annoying. I mean, you are an Assistant. You are getting paid more than me and don't have to deal with as many freaking people as I do and yet you still need help walking through the meeting request. "what time would you like to schedule the meeting for" I would ask. "Well, maybe." ....pause. This would go on day in and day out. I thought that this little song and dance would soon put me into a white shirt at an asylum. These people drove me mad. I seriously didn't know how to cope with such stupidity and dullness. I wanted out! Get me out of this straight jacket please?
The lights became just one tone under the last. Maybe our lights are slowly fading. Hmmm, will have to make note of that in my head so I can speak to the building manager in the morning. I shut off my phone and made my desk clear for the night. Tucked away my chair and walked around the desk grabbing my purse in one hand jacket in other and a bag from Duane Reade with a red bull in it and some chocolates. Oh shoot, I almost forgot, every night we had to make up a security letter for the next day and there it was on the desk nice and neat. I grabbed it and put it in between my teeth. Trying to put on my jacket I felt the urge to pee once more before I left for the day. I decided not to shut the door this time before I made my way to the desk and went straight into the bathroom. Leaving both my purse and the Duane Reade bag on the couch inside the small bathroom I sat on the pot with a huff. I rolled out the toilet paper and tore off a couple pieces. I am yawning at this point too. Finally, my day was almost over and I would be walking out the door and away from here. After washing my hands, I gathered my things and pushed on the heavy door leading out to the main reception area. The door was shut. Well, maybe someone felt that I forgot. Great, can't wait to hear about this tomorrow. I opened and dragged the door shut behind me. Woosh, a gust of air came with me as I shut the large glass door. Never felt that before. Strange. Pressing the elevator button I felt a heat. Heat from my finger to the button. Unexplainable in any other way but it was strange. At this same moment there are people waiting on the elevator on the floor above me. When the elevator bell rung once I knew the doors would open and that I would be stepping into the elevator. But this time the wind came back. With me flew in the air and all around me the hair on my head and my hairs on my arm stood up. The doors shut. I felt the heaviest feeling that was indescribable. Like there was hardly any oxygen in the elevator. It thankfully started to move. At this same time the people on 19 enter the elevator. But as the final person tried to step on the doors shut with haste. Bang! One of the women screamed out "hey!" The elevator started to move. The gentlemen left behind sat there staring at the doors of the closed elevator wondering what the heck was going on. Then with a flash the keys on the elevator lit up and burnt out causing a spark. The people were now going fast down the elevator. Then with a giant crash they stopped. Everyone was holding onto something, a person, and arm rail or the ground. Panic was set in. Everyone was waiting to see what would happen next. And finally one of the women hit the panic button on the elevator. I was slowly going down unaware of what just happened, I started to take off my coat because I it was rather warm. The doors opened up and I left the elevator with the wind. Looking behind me wondering what the hell was going on. There was nothing to be seen. The area was free from people, and things. I walked past the door man and just kept moving along. "Have a good night." I said slightly. He responded back with the same slightness. What had just happened? for more of the story,...
Stay tuned.. =)
When I first became a Receptionist I was working for a top company, who offered fabulous benefits and a decent salary. However, there were people that worked for this firm that were not kind and some even sneaky as hell. As time goes on and as I work in this place longer I feel like I am going insane. I see a psychiatrist and a talk therapist in order to exist in reality; in order to keep working here.
Only seldom do I get really really sleepy here. I get tired but not tired enough to go into a room they have designated as the "bed time room". I see it as a weakness when people go to sleep during the day at work. People think that they have been out all night or not sleeping at all so, something must be wrong with that person. Today, I am tired. I can't even open my eyes for a second. I am desperate so, I mildly ask my co-worker with my tail under my legs, "may I use the bed time room?". Of course she says with a nice charming grimace.
There is a lot going on in my life and a lot that went on in my life in the past. So much that its hard to tell you where I should begin. Meanwhile I'll just take a short nap, which if you ask me is asking for more trouble. Cause I know I will feel worse later. "RING"!! The alarm clock sounds. I am sitting in a chair that is on its last leg that reclines. Its comfortable because its all worn in but if you move to quick, poom. You are shot out of the chair like an air missile. I was jolted out of my sleep. Was I dreaming but what about? Hmmm, I will have to think about this because my dreams have been so different so vivid, strange and unexplainable at the same time. Oh well, it will come to me later.
I creep with dread out into the hall and down the stairs. Taking my time making sure I am comfortable walking again. This nap was a dozy. I slept for sure, but now I feel lethargic and left confused. Oh well. Cat naps never worked for me. As I grasp onto the stair case rail with my hand pressed firmly I easily walk down to the level where I work. "What time is it?" I asked my co-worker. "Fifteen minutes until five." Holy Shi@! I thought. Did I really sleep for forty five minutes? That is not good. As I came around the desk I apologized over and over again repeatedly trying to think of quick ways to make it up to her. "Oh girl, its no problem at all. You know we are cool like that. If I needed to walk away from the desk or do something private I would do it. And you wouldn't think twice." she said with a smile. "Yes, this is true." I just felt so bad. I always felt bad for things. I felt bad for talking to much, I felt bad for walking into a room when two people are talking and interrupting when it clearly wasn't my fault. I felt bad for being quiet, I felt bad for sneezing. Lets put it this way. I was sorry for everything that I did. What a terrible way to live your life. In fear.
As the years passed by and days seemed longer, I began to get tired of my job. I found it hard to even put on a smile. I was probably one of the best fake smiler's there was and I couldn't even do that. I hated my job like people hate snakes. I couldn't stand to look at it, smell it, or even be anywhere near it. Once that feeling sets in, you are sh@! out of luck. You hate your job and need to either move on; or grin and bare it. I was sorry for hating it so much. As I ended my day in its usual manner. I noticed that the lights began to dim but just a little. Little enough for me to notice it. It was quiet and the phones finally stopped ringing so, time of closing the place up was not far around the corner. Oh god five more minutes. Please don't ring, please don't ring. I would repeat to myself over and over again. Almost every time I would get a call just right before the phones shut off for the night and it would be a bad call. For example, "did someone call me from this number?" "No, no one called you sir or ma'am" and I would hang up. Or the best one's were, "can I get a conference room, not sure of how many attendees or how long but was thinking...well,...pause. Maybe I will take the conference room in the corner with the windows." My reply would be, "ok, sure, what time would you be needing this room."... I think the worst part for me was having to drag each and every sentence out of the person. They simply didn't get it. You called me. You wanted something from me. And when you get on the phone you have no clue of what you want. Do you want me to make this meeting up for you? I mean truly you shouldn't even be having this meeting if you have no clue when its going to start. "Um, how about noon to one. yes, that is fine." the person would say smugly. "ok, all set." I would say with charm. I hated them. These people couldn't have a conversation with a real person even if they tried. Some of their Assistants were even annoying. I mean, you are an Assistant. You are getting paid more than me and don't have to deal with as many freaking people as I do and yet you still need help walking through the meeting request. "what time would you like to schedule the meeting for" I would ask. "Well, maybe." ....pause. This would go on day in and day out. I thought that this little song and dance would soon put me into a white shirt at an asylum. These people drove me mad. I seriously didn't know how to cope with such stupidity and dullness. I wanted out! Get me out of this straight jacket please?
The lights became just one tone under the last. Maybe our lights are slowly fading. Hmmm, will have to make note of that in my head so I can speak to the building manager in the morning. I shut off my phone and made my desk clear for the night. Tucked away my chair and walked around the desk grabbing my purse in one hand jacket in other and a bag from Duane Reade with a red bull in it and some chocolates. Oh shoot, I almost forgot, every night we had to make up a security letter for the next day and there it was on the desk nice and neat. I grabbed it and put it in between my teeth. Trying to put on my jacket I felt the urge to pee once more before I left for the day. I decided not to shut the door this time before I made my way to the desk and went straight into the bathroom. Leaving both my purse and the Duane Reade bag on the couch inside the small bathroom I sat on the pot with a huff. I rolled out the toilet paper and tore off a couple pieces. I am yawning at this point too. Finally, my day was almost over and I would be walking out the door and away from here. After washing my hands, I gathered my things and pushed on the heavy door leading out to the main reception area. The door was shut. Well, maybe someone felt that I forgot. Great, can't wait to hear about this tomorrow. I opened and dragged the door shut behind me. Woosh, a gust of air came with me as I shut the large glass door. Never felt that before. Strange. Pressing the elevator button I felt a heat. Heat from my finger to the button. Unexplainable in any other way but it was strange. At this same moment there are people waiting on the elevator on the floor above me. When the elevator bell rung once I knew the doors would open and that I would be stepping into the elevator. But this time the wind came back. With me flew in the air and all around me the hair on my head and my hairs on my arm stood up. The doors shut. I felt the heaviest feeling that was indescribable. Like there was hardly any oxygen in the elevator. It thankfully started to move. At this same time the people on 19 enter the elevator. But as the final person tried to step on the doors shut with haste. Bang! One of the women screamed out "hey!" The elevator started to move. The gentlemen left behind sat there staring at the doors of the closed elevator wondering what the heck was going on. Then with a flash the keys on the elevator lit up and burnt out causing a spark. The people were now going fast down the elevator. Then with a giant crash they stopped. Everyone was holding onto something, a person, and arm rail or the ground. Panic was set in. Everyone was waiting to see what would happen next. And finally one of the women hit the panic button on the elevator. I was slowly going down unaware of what just happened, I started to take off my coat because I it was rather warm. The doors opened up and I left the elevator with the wind. Looking behind me wondering what the hell was going on. There was nothing to be seen. The area was free from people, and things. I walked past the door man and just kept moving along. "Have a good night." I said slightly. He responded back with the same slightness. What had just happened? for more of the story,...
Stay tuned.. =)
Recurring dream
All my life I have had a dream about this one house. Familiar yes, every time. Its huge with lots of stairs. The bedrooms each one more unique than the next. When I'm in my dream; I am running through the house, trying to find my room. But each room I come up on I find there are going to only be more exciting features in the next one. I can't stop. And no matter how many rooms I look at, there are a whole new set around each stair case.
Is this my subconscious telling me that I am never going to be satisfied? Or is this just my dream of owning a huge house with the fear that I would have to clean all of these rooms? lol
Is this my subconscious telling me that I am never going to be satisfied? Or is this just my dream of owning a huge house with the fear that I would have to clean all of these rooms? lol
Just a job
Wow, I never thought that one place could take your spirit, your vitality away as your job. I have been working for the same place for five years. I have gone through four or five different Supervisor's and still know more than the next one. I deal with some of the worlds smartest people and greatest minds and yet, some, are the most dull and nastiest people who ever lived. I have to drag my body out of my bed every morning to come in and be beat up and tossed aside as if I were a bumb. A few months ago my hair started to fall out and a year back I found myself in one of the darkest places I will hopefully ever know. And yet, my boss and most people who speak to me, tell me "its just a job". I take my job very seriously and have tried not to. I find it is the hardest thing. If it were possible, I would quit. I would love to run through the halls of this building and scream as loud as possible...F..@! you. I wish I could even tell a few people to meet me outside. I can't even tell you how mad and frustrating these people I work with have made me. And still. I am here.
My wedding vows
I love you so very much!
For the VERY first time ever in my life, I…., see a future with someone …; full of beautiful and endless possibilities.
I am a glass is half empty kind of girl which you are FULLY aware of and I always question everything because I am scared of the unknown. I no longer have to be scared and I want to thank you for being so sympathetic and tolerant of these imperfections.
PATIENTLY, you have been there walking next to me; my own personal suit of armor. You are the only one I want to be with until there is nothing left, until the end of time.
I’m sorry I ever doubted your love and commitment in this relationship. I have always been someone who needed a lot of reassurance and attention in a relationship and you have been hard at work ever since we met and for that, I thank you!
You have been there through thick and thin. You have walked through fire with me, never once giving up. You are the epitome of “marriage vows” and what they represent. I am and will forever be grateful to have you by my side and in my life, as my husband.
I will trust you and respect you, laugh and play with you, cry with you, love you faithfully through good times and bad, no matter what obstacles we may face together. I will forever be dedicated to this relationship; our marriage.
Love is where you are and I have found my beginning and my end with you, and no matter where I go I want to be with you.
And I am so proud to call you my husband.
For the VERY first time ever in my life, I…., see a future with someone …; full of beautiful and endless possibilities.
I am a glass is half empty kind of girl which you are FULLY aware of and I always question everything because I am scared of the unknown. I no longer have to be scared and I want to thank you for being so sympathetic and tolerant of these imperfections.
PATIENTLY, you have been there walking next to me; my own personal suit of armor. You are the only one I want to be with until there is nothing left, until the end of time.
I’m sorry I ever doubted your love and commitment in this relationship. I have always been someone who needed a lot of reassurance and attention in a relationship and you have been hard at work ever since we met and for that, I thank you!
You have been there through thick and thin. You have walked through fire with me, never once giving up. You are the epitome of “marriage vows” and what they represent. I am and will forever be grateful to have you by my side and in my life, as my husband.
I will trust you and respect you, laugh and play with you, cry with you, love you faithfully through good times and bad, no matter what obstacles we may face together. I will forever be dedicated to this relationship; our marriage.
Love is where you are and I have found my beginning and my end with you, and no matter where I go I want to be with you.
And I am so proud to call you my husband.
Dream me a little dream
Since I have been on medication to treat my depression, I have had several vivid and interesting dreams.
Here is one I found to be odd,
We were a family. A family living in a dwelling that people knew about and wondered about but no one ever saw the insides of our walls. Unless you were chosen.
I just happen to be along with my friend Melody whom Charley showed interest in and became theirs out of pure bad luck. I had no interest in any of the boys living in this house. I spent most of my time tending to the garden and doing the laundry. This house felt so dirty. We did get paid and when we got paid we got to go into the village to buy things with our pay. However, since I was so new, they didn't want me to go out, out of fear I might try to escape. No, first they had to get me used to their ways and want their ways rather than the life I had before. Which was not so bad. I kept going over and over in my mind. Is anyone looking for me? Does anyone care? I had no lovern but I had parents with who I spoke very rarely to. I would just be forgotten.
The house was tremendous and the people all different. We all ate together we dressed the same and we did similar activities. This was definitely a cult. I was so bored. I became close to John who I had first met in the garden when I arrived here. He would be the one to go out for me and get me the necessities I longed for. I missed candy and I missed deodorant. I didn't make much but it was enough for those items. John said to me, "one day, one day you will get to go out and we will have a blast."
It seemed like months and I had stopped talking to Melody, my friend, who had been Charles newest love slave. She seemed drugged every time I saw her and she barely spoke to me. It was hurtful and quite weird. I miss my old Melody. I learned every corner of the house. If I needed space I would move to another part of this huge house and find my me time. I did have a room, however, it was a shared room. I shared with two other girls. One who was a lesbian and the other a mute as far as I was concerned.
It was from my understanding she, the mute, had lived here just as long as this place was built. Her mother was one of the cult keepers you could say.
It was dark and I was tending to the garden. A bunch of fire flies came out and started to dance all over the walls of the green house. Then as I walked closer to the walls I noticed people who were staring back at me. I never noticed this before because during the day, the green house was like a mirror. I couldn't ever look out until now. All of a sudden I was embarrassed. Embarrassed because I thought they were looking at me like I wanted to belong here. I couldn't get close enough to the windows because of the barbed wire so, I just stared back at the people spectating. I looked sad and put my head down and walked back into the house. I knew that if I screamed they wouldn't hear me and if I tried to make signs someone would see. I wanted them to think I liked it here so that when the time was right, I would go.
As time went on I found that I grew a little attached to John and all of the people in the house.
It was I guess two years now that I had lived there and one night the head of the house came to me and said, "tonight is yours, you will get to go out and buy stuff to come back with." But what would I buy? What would I do? I am just not sure if I am ready. I said this to him and immediately he smiled and said. "You are my favorite." With that, a line started to form at the door. I got in. My heart was pounding and just seconds later John grabbed my hand and said, "ready?" I felt so much better that he was there.
The door opened and we all stared to single file walk out into the black halls that I had originally seen before I came here. Then the night air hit my face. We were out side. "Ok everyone, 2 hours, not a second later" the man said. John and I sort of started to run. We ran into a candy store and he showed me where he was buying all my goodies. I smiled at him like I was a child. Then I looked around and thought, I don't want to be here, I want to be outside. John told me to go for it and just not go to far and that he would meet me right out side in an hour that way he could show me the rest of the images I was missing from the night.
With that, I ran out of that candy store and my feet touched free pavement. I was free. I saw no one I had known from the house. I looked poor and I looked like I belonged to that cult as everyone peered at me dashing through the market place. I looked everywhere for familiar faces so that I could prepare myself for what I had to say. Why was I running and where to?
Every light seemed blurrier than the next. It was like I was seeing for the first time. I teared a bit at the thought of freedom that I would soon taste. With the wind hitting my face I looked into the dark streets and saw tall buses lining up and driving by. Its a bus stop I thought to myself what luck I had that I saw a bus stop and what better luck I had money on me. I ran up to the first bus that seemed to be stopping but really wasn't. I started to bang on the bus window.."please stop, please!" I yelled out to the driver. With that he smiled and opened up the bus door. "Can I give you a ride? It will be 3 dollars where we are going" he exclaimed. "Where ever we are going is fine as long as its away from here" I said with breathless words. So, I boarded the bus and paid the man and walked back to take my seat. With 20 dollars in my hand still I sat there wondering how the hell I would do next. My place hadn't been paid in 2 years, as far as everyone else was concerned I was dead. I would start all over again and I would find a way to get as far away as possible. With my heart beating fast I sat there trying to calm my nerves. It was finally over. I was free and it was so easy. Could it have been so easy? Why was it so easy? I just walked out and caught a bus ride out of there. I started to question how many others tried that and got away with it?
Maybe as they escaped they started to see that they couldn't live outside of the cult dwelling. All I knew that I was free and loving it no matter how poor or alone I was. I closed my eyes for what seemed to be a minute. It was in fact 2 hours. We were now in a small area out side of London where there were piers and great big boats lining up for something. Then all of a sudden I heard a voice cry out. "Hey, Hey You!" I looked around with my head sunk into my chest. My heart was pounding. Someone knows me. "I thought that was you. It was John. I saw you catch a bus so I caught the one behind you." "Why John, why?" He looked at me with a disappointed face. "You aren't happy to see me" John replied. "No, its not that, its just that I wasn't looking to go back, and something tells me that are here to bring me back." I said with fear in my voice. "Hell, why would I do that?" I was dumb founded. "Then why did you follow me?" "Anyone who escapes from a place like that needs help on the out side. And i am here to make sure you survive." "Well John, I started to cry, I am just so very happy to see you." I held him like I held my father before he died. We probably stood there hugging for about one hour. "Ok, first thing is first. We have to find ourselves a job. We might have to sleep at a hotel for a while but we will be fine. How much money do you have?" "Well, twenty." I said with sadness behind my voice. "Well I have more than enough to get us by for a week." John said with worry in his voice. "John, thank you for following me." He looked back and smiled and the last words he said to me were, "wake up."
Then I woke up, and realized I hadn't left the house at all. I had dreamed that I escaped that dreadful place and now I was even more upset than I was before. I laid there crying and holding myself like a baby. With my face in the pillow I tried to stop myself from these feelings I was having. I told myself in my mind that I had to come to grips with my faith. I was stuck here. The room felt small and every word hurt me from outside my door. I hated the people there. What right did they have to keep me here! I ran out into the living area. I saw John sitting there with Melody and Charles. "Listen guys, why am I here and why are we kept here captive?" Charles, explained, "they want to take care of us. You were chosen because of your life style and how happy or unhappy you were." But, But, I was happy in my life. I had a life and they, YOU, took that away from me. Now, I am stuck here with no one to meet and make love to and no future." I said with anger behind my eyes. Right then one of the adults came into the room. "What is being said?" We all looked like we were in shock and confused at what I had just said. "Is there something someone needs to tell me?"
Here is one I found to be odd,
We were a family. A family living in a dwelling that people knew about and wondered about but no one ever saw the insides of our walls. Unless you were chosen.
I just happen to be along with my friend Melody whom Charley showed interest in and became theirs out of pure bad luck. I had no interest in any of the boys living in this house. I spent most of my time tending to the garden and doing the laundry. This house felt so dirty. We did get paid and when we got paid we got to go into the village to buy things with our pay. However, since I was so new, they didn't want me to go out, out of fear I might try to escape. No, first they had to get me used to their ways and want their ways rather than the life I had before. Which was not so bad. I kept going over and over in my mind. Is anyone looking for me? Does anyone care? I had no lovern but I had parents with who I spoke very rarely to. I would just be forgotten.
The house was tremendous and the people all different. We all ate together we dressed the same and we did similar activities. This was definitely a cult. I was so bored. I became close to John who I had first met in the garden when I arrived here. He would be the one to go out for me and get me the necessities I longed for. I missed candy and I missed deodorant. I didn't make much but it was enough for those items. John said to me, "one day, one day you will get to go out and we will have a blast."
It seemed like months and I had stopped talking to Melody, my friend, who had been Charles newest love slave. She seemed drugged every time I saw her and she barely spoke to me. It was hurtful and quite weird. I miss my old Melody. I learned every corner of the house. If I needed space I would move to another part of this huge house and find my me time. I did have a room, however, it was a shared room. I shared with two other girls. One who was a lesbian and the other a mute as far as I was concerned.
It was from my understanding she, the mute, had lived here just as long as this place was built. Her mother was one of the cult keepers you could say.
It was dark and I was tending to the garden. A bunch of fire flies came out and started to dance all over the walls of the green house. Then as I walked closer to the walls I noticed people who were staring back at me. I never noticed this before because during the day, the green house was like a mirror. I couldn't ever look out until now. All of a sudden I was embarrassed. Embarrassed because I thought they were looking at me like I wanted to belong here. I couldn't get close enough to the windows because of the barbed wire so, I just stared back at the people spectating. I looked sad and put my head down and walked back into the house. I knew that if I screamed they wouldn't hear me and if I tried to make signs someone would see. I wanted them to think I liked it here so that when the time was right, I would go.
As time went on I found that I grew a little attached to John and all of the people in the house.
It was I guess two years now that I had lived there and one night the head of the house came to me and said, "tonight is yours, you will get to go out and buy stuff to come back with." But what would I buy? What would I do? I am just not sure if I am ready. I said this to him and immediately he smiled and said. "You are my favorite." With that, a line started to form at the door. I got in. My heart was pounding and just seconds later John grabbed my hand and said, "ready?" I felt so much better that he was there.
The door opened and we all stared to single file walk out into the black halls that I had originally seen before I came here. Then the night air hit my face. We were out side. "Ok everyone, 2 hours, not a second later" the man said. John and I sort of started to run. We ran into a candy store and he showed me where he was buying all my goodies. I smiled at him like I was a child. Then I looked around and thought, I don't want to be here, I want to be outside. John told me to go for it and just not go to far and that he would meet me right out side in an hour that way he could show me the rest of the images I was missing from the night.
With that, I ran out of that candy store and my feet touched free pavement. I was free. I saw no one I had known from the house. I looked poor and I looked like I belonged to that cult as everyone peered at me dashing through the market place. I looked everywhere for familiar faces so that I could prepare myself for what I had to say. Why was I running and where to?
Every light seemed blurrier than the next. It was like I was seeing for the first time. I teared a bit at the thought of freedom that I would soon taste. With the wind hitting my face I looked into the dark streets and saw tall buses lining up and driving by. Its a bus stop I thought to myself what luck I had that I saw a bus stop and what better luck I had money on me. I ran up to the first bus that seemed to be stopping but really wasn't. I started to bang on the bus window.."please stop, please!" I yelled out to the driver. With that he smiled and opened up the bus door. "Can I give you a ride? It will be 3 dollars where we are going" he exclaimed. "Where ever we are going is fine as long as its away from here" I said with breathless words. So, I boarded the bus and paid the man and walked back to take my seat. With 20 dollars in my hand still I sat there wondering how the hell I would do next. My place hadn't been paid in 2 years, as far as everyone else was concerned I was dead. I would start all over again and I would find a way to get as far away as possible. With my heart beating fast I sat there trying to calm my nerves. It was finally over. I was free and it was so easy. Could it have been so easy? Why was it so easy? I just walked out and caught a bus ride out of there. I started to question how many others tried that and got away with it?
Maybe as they escaped they started to see that they couldn't live outside of the cult dwelling. All I knew that I was free and loving it no matter how poor or alone I was. I closed my eyes for what seemed to be a minute. It was in fact 2 hours. We were now in a small area out side of London where there were piers and great big boats lining up for something. Then all of a sudden I heard a voice cry out. "Hey, Hey You!" I looked around with my head sunk into my chest. My heart was pounding. Someone knows me. "I thought that was you. It was John. I saw you catch a bus so I caught the one behind you." "Why John, why?" He looked at me with a disappointed face. "You aren't happy to see me" John replied. "No, its not that, its just that I wasn't looking to go back, and something tells me that are here to bring me back." I said with fear in my voice. "Hell, why would I do that?" I was dumb founded. "Then why did you follow me?" "Anyone who escapes from a place like that needs help on the out side. And i am here to make sure you survive." "Well John, I started to cry, I am just so very happy to see you." I held him like I held my father before he died. We probably stood there hugging for about one hour. "Ok, first thing is first. We have to find ourselves a job. We might have to sleep at a hotel for a while but we will be fine. How much money do you have?" "Well, twenty." I said with sadness behind my voice. "Well I have more than enough to get us by for a week." John said with worry in his voice. "John, thank you for following me." He looked back and smiled and the last words he said to me were, "wake up."
Then I woke up, and realized I hadn't left the house at all. I had dreamed that I escaped that dreadful place and now I was even more upset than I was before. I laid there crying and holding myself like a baby. With my face in the pillow I tried to stop myself from these feelings I was having. I told myself in my mind that I had to come to grips with my faith. I was stuck here. The room felt small and every word hurt me from outside my door. I hated the people there. What right did they have to keep me here! I ran out into the living area. I saw John sitting there with Melody and Charles. "Listen guys, why am I here and why are we kept here captive?" Charles, explained, "they want to take care of us. You were chosen because of your life style and how happy or unhappy you were." But, But, I was happy in my life. I had a life and they, YOU, took that away from me. Now, I am stuck here with no one to meet and make love to and no future." I said with anger behind my eyes. Right then one of the adults came into the room. "What is being said?" We all looked like we were in shock and confused at what I had just said. "Is there something someone needs to tell me?"
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